Welcome to the New!

New Year equals new beginnings, right? I know it's not exactly the new year just yet but it's fast approaching so, let's talk about something. It's called fear. Fear of the new and unexpected is something a lot of people deal with. It's something I deal with almost daily. I am terrified of putting myself out there because I have no idea what is going to come from it. I don't know if people are going to be angry and judge me, or if they will love what I'm doing. And that terrifies me. It is something I have allowed to control me for much of my life. From being a small child, afraid to ask for ketchup at Burger King, to me being an adult afraid to ask for time off at a job that I have no plans on making a career. I'm terrified to ask for what I want. Terrified to tell people my thoughts or ideas. Recalling my childhood, where I was often shut down for my ideas by my peers, I believe a lot of my fear stems from those experiences. There was time when I not only raised my hand in class, but I was also excited to raise my hand. When Hermione Granger was my role model, but I was still surprised when my curiosity and thirst for knowledge led to me being picked on by my classmates, just as she had been in the books. Why we react to the desire to learn with mockery is something I don't think I will ever comprehend. Everyone has that voice in their head that tells them that their thoughts are invalid or stupid, and honestly, it doesn't help that there are people out there feeding that voice. So the question is, why add to all of that doubt by fueling your own fears and uncertainties? I, as many people do, struggle with depression and anxiety, two mental illnesses where my brain is in a constant fight with itself. Between having the interior battle of "you're not good enough" and the exterior of people supporting those voices in your head, some days are an uphill struggle. And whether you deal with mental illness or not, these thoughts and fears can still exist for you. Though people might tell you your fears are "irrational" it doesn't make them any less real, or any less debilitating.

I suppose, by now, you are wondering what the hell this has to do with anything and why I am writing an essay about fear, and to make it simple, it's the reason I am here. It's the reason I am stuck with where I am at in life and the reason why I am writing. I'm constantly afraid to tell you all my opinions. I have so many things going though my head, even as I write this.

Is this stupid to post? Will anyone read it? Am I making any sense? What the hell am I even talking about? Does anyone care about this? Does anyone care about what I have to say? What if I offend someone with my thoughts? Am I giving too much information? What will people think about me if I put all of my struggles out in the open? Will I lose friends?

And those are just a few, out of the thousands of things I am thinking right at this very moment.

With a new blog, and the upcoming new year, I am going to try something new. This new blog isn't going to be about you all. It's not going to be about me trying to figure out what you want to read or what I can do to make you read my posts. It's not going to cover subjects just because they are the ones getting views. I might lose followers and I might gain followers. But this isn't about that.

This new year is about me. It's about me stepping out of my comfort zone, but it's also about me finding my passions. Finding what I want to do and who I want to be. I hope that in this process, I will also be able to write pieces that you all will enjoy, because I will finally be writing the truth, rather than some overly contrived article that I've done just because I feel the need to do it.

So, let's do this. And, if you are feeling like you're in a funk or stuck or unmotivated, please join me on this journey to conquer. I hope that this will lead to growth for me as a writer, as an adult, and as a person in general. I hope that I will find my passions and be in a place where I feel free to pursue them.

New platform, new blog, new year, and hopefully, a new, more honest and open me.

If you're looking for any of my older posts you can find them at:

http://paleshadowofawoman.blogspot.com/

Or find me on-

Instagram: paleshadowofawoman or keiraelysemua

Snapchat: Keiraxdear

Twitter: KeiraElyse13

Tumblr: Keiraxdear

Bye Witches!

Keira